man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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