can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
