And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
