Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
