I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I will be naked everywhere
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
