I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
