well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
