My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
