all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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