Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
