margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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