Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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