I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
