Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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