my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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