I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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