i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's just like the Real World with babies
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
