My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Randomize
