Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am one with the molecules
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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