i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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