matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize