false alarm. still invincible.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
