You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
