He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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