Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
