ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
