I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
