I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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