woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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