I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
