oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
