And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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