Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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