After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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