So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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