I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
