can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
