my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
