I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
