He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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