i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
