I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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