just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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