I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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