I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
