I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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