I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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