just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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