There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wish my penis had a tongue
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
