their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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