I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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