Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
