i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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