Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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