Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
