I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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