Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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