K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
