How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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