you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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