At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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