"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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