what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
