i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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