have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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