We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
