dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
