I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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