I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
