I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
