apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
not ubering you a puppy
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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