This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
