Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
