Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
