oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
