we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
